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It came again

It has hit me again. I am a self-devouring animal, but all this is happening in my head. I am being punished by myself for all the things I have not done and all the things I have not been.

All my value has been taken away and I have again not been good enough. I am hearing the same cruel voices again….

No contact.  Mother-reptile has been thrust with thousand swords. Reptile in disguise. 

Instead of blood, there is black fluid. There is no cry, just some squalling inhumane voice.

Stubs cause no harm just the machine starts to malfunction.  So disgusting to realize I have bits of it in me.  I am suffering millions of beings. Crusade for nothing. Lost before begin. 

Death is flowing down the river. Sadness is music and music is sadness. I am yet to explore the past I forgot.

I am successful, but I feel so down and defeated. There is no one behind the mask. 

Under the hood – I’ve always wanted to die.

Context

Individuals who have experienced narcissistic trauma, such as having a narcissistic parent or being in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, may be at an increased risk of developing depression. The constant criticism, invalidation, and emotional abuse by the narcissistic individual can damage the person’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and hopelessness.

These negative beliefs and feelings can contribute to the development of depression, as the person may feel unable to cope with the pain and hurt caused by the narcissistic individual. They may also struggle to find meaning and purpose in their life, leading to a sense of despair and hopelessness.

If you have experienced narcissistic trauma and are experiencing depression, it can be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your emotions and develop coping strategies. Treatment for depression often involves a combination of medication, such as antidepressants, and therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), to help the person manage their symptoms and improve their mood and sense of self-worth. It may also be beneficial to distance yourself from the narcissistic individual and surround yourself with supportive and caring people who can help you heal and rebuild your self-esteem.