Golden Child and Scapegoat
When it comes to the narcissistic mother’s eyes, there is no better kid than the Golden Child, who, as the name says, is the most magnificent and greatest of all. In the Golden Child, the narcissistic mother seems to be choosing someone who will serve as an extension of herself, upon whom she would project all of her own imagined wonderfulness.
The Golden Child is incapable of making a mistake. She is lavished with gifts and favors, and she may even have flats or homes purchased just for her. Her most little accomplishments are lauded and held up as examples for others to emulate. Her misdemeanors are brushed off and not taken into consideration.
The Scapegoat, on the other hand, is the individual who, as the term implies, is blamed for all of the family’s woes and is hence referred to as the “scapegoat.” They are completely powerless. Their most significant accomplishments are disregarded. Any money spent on them is the absolute minimum, and it is done so reluctantly and reluctantly.
During his or her childhood, the Scapegoat may have been naturally envious of the Golden Child. There will always be conflict amongst the children, which is perfect for the narcissistic mother’s purposes. Divide and conquer, and there will be plenty of possibilities for triangulation, as well. Indeed, the narcissistic mother might encourage the Golden Child to bully the Scapegoat, either publicly or indirectly, which only serves to exacerbate the conflict between the two.
The Scapegoat might be penalized for doing something good since doing so undermines the narcissist’s narrative that the Scapegoat is a nasty guy in every way imaginable. However, the Scapegoat will not be publicly punished since doing so would undermine the narrative that everything is the Scapegoat’s fault. However, in a subtle and sneaky manner. You were forced to give up dancing just as you were about to achieve a significant life milestone because of [insert fabricated reason here] – perhaps they claimed they couldn’t afford dance classes any longer, or that getting to dance classes was no longer possible, or that they had a falling out with the dance instructor. The Golden Child could be included as one of the reasons for sabotaging dancing courses, which earns additional points: “Golden Child wants to do dance too, and we can’t afford both, and it’s not fair for you to be the only one.” (It doesn’t matter if Golden Child does things that you find objectionable.) Alternatively, “We are unable to bring you to dancing class any longer since Golden Child has decided to take up karate and her courses are scheduled at that time.”
Alternatively, the penalty might be more subtle. Perhaps your dog was taken away, apparently for a completely unrelated cause, after you were awarded the dancing gold at the competition. It is only after a few of similar events occur that you will begin to see the pattern that terrible things happen when you achieve something good, and you will begin to deliberately destroy your own triumphs in order to protect yourself from this. (As an aside, be aware that such sabotage tendencies will persist for the rest of one’s life until and until they are intentionally eliminated.
In other words, the punishment might be as shocking and subtle as your parents' response to you. Oh, they’ll say exactly what you want them to say. Your perception of their disapproval will be aided by their emotions and their coldness, which will reveal that they are enraged by this success (again, since it disrupts their carefully created narrative), and you will pick up on this and feel the chilly blast of their disdain.
In the same manner, you can find yourself rewarded in an unexpected way if you fail. Getting approbation for not living up to their standards is something you will notice, and even a little amount of praise feels nice at this point in your life.
The Identified Patient is often used as a scapegoat in medical malpractice cases. This is the one upon whom all of the family’s misfortunes are projected, and it is frequently this person who will act out those evils.
In a world where people have been mistreated, demeaned, and treated unjustly their whole lives, it’s not unexpected that they develop difficulties such as eating disorders or addiction problems or anger management issues or depression. As a result, the narrative that you’re the incorrect one, the wicked one, the Black Sheep is reinforced.
You even think it yourself, that you are the problem kid, the rotten apple of the apple tree! After all, you do have an eating problem or whatever it is that you are suffering from. That is unassailable.
They may refer you to counseling in an attempt to help you get well.
There will be one of two things that occurs there. Or, alternatively, you’ll find yourself in the company of an incompetent therapist who will accept the story as it is delivered, thus reinforcing your feeling of personal inadequacy and failure. Alternatively, you’ll have an excellent therapist who sees through the falsehoods and seeks to fix the true broken dynamic rather than the apparently damaged you and your relationship. In this situation, as soon as your parents suspect that anything is wrong with them, they will invent an excuse (which will very likely be your fault) and take you away from that therapy, and that aborted therapy will be yet another failure on your part to get you into treatment.
The scapegoat is genuinely caught in a no-win scenario in this case. In most situations, the abuse is subtle enough that it does not need the assistance of social services, and as a result, the victim has little choice but to suffer it until maturity.
I’d go so far as to say that, if you’re reading this, you were more than likely the Scapegoat rather than the Golden Child in your family’s history.
This is due to the fact that, contrary to what it may have seemed like growing up, the Scapegoat is really the fortunate one. (Of course, I’m referring about being pretty fortunate.) It is impossible to define a narcissistic mother’s kid as fortunate at any point in time.)
The Golden Child may find herself completely enveloped by the narcissistic mother, and her life may become intertwined with that of the narcissistic mother as a result. She may possibly develop without the right limits and self-identification that she need. This means that she is likely to stay, either permanently or for a lengthy period of time, as a puppet of the narcissistic mother. And when, and if she ever manages to break free, the process will be immensely more traumatic for her than it is for the Scapegoat.
The Scapegoat, on the other hand, is a self-sufficient individual. She is the one who is pushed to seek solutions and who may or may not be aware of the existence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). She is the only one who has the ability to break away from the dysfunctional dynamics of her family and do all in her power to live a healthy life and recover from the falsehoods she has been taught about herself since she was born. Of course, it’s still difficult for her (and hence for you). There is nothing simple about this path. However, it is achievable and practical.
In the narcissistic mother’s eyes, there is no better kid to raise than the Golden Child. The Scapegoat is the child who is blamed for all of the family’s woes and is hence referred to as the “scapegoat”. Their most significant accomplishments are disregarded. The Narcissist sabotages the Scapegoat in a subtle and sneaky manner. The punishment might be as shocking and subtle as your parents' response to you.
The Identified Patient is often used as a scapegoat in medical malpractice cases. This is the one upon whom all of the family’s misfortunes are projected. The scapegoat is caught in a no-win scenario in this case. They may be referred to an incompetent therapist or an excellent therapist. The Golden Child may find herself completely enveloped by the narcissistic mother. The Scapegoat, on the other hand, is a self-sufficient individual who has the ability to break away from her family’s dysfunctional dynamics and recover from the falsehoods she’s been taught about herself.