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The poison is cooking

Triangulation - the technique of manipulation the narcissist uses on you

Triangulation occurs when a toxic or manipulative individual, generally a narcissist, pulls in a third person to maintain control. Only the manipulator will be able to communicate with the two triangulated persons. It takes many shapes, but they always aim to divide and conquer, or pit people against one other.

It is a very successful way to obtain an edge over competitors by forcing them into conflict. Because narcissists lack entire object interactions, they utilize triangulation to comfort and defend their ego. This is the incapacity to understand that most individuals have both positive and terrible traits.

This is the traditional golden child-scapegoat pattern in dysfunctional families. The dysfunctional, poisonous, and frequently narcissistic caregiver reflects their own positive and terrible self-images onto their children. As a result, one kid becomes the golden child, and the other the scapegoat.

The idealized golden kid can do no wrong. But the scapegoat is undervalued and acts wrong. The children’s choices, personalities, sentiments, and humanity are neglected, particularly if they clash with the parents’ projection.

With one kid, both good and negative can be projected, but not simultaneously; with more than two children, additional children may be involved into the dynamic to varying degrees. A caregiver’s feelings for the kid may affect these predictions.

In a love relationship, the manipulator will introduce a new romantic interest, but also a platonic friend, to cause strife, uncertainty, and jealousy. The disturbed person will relish the attention, favorable or bad, and may even inform the triangulated people of each other’s existence.

Individuals may not be aware that they are being used to control others, or just one may be aware. Worse, a narcissist may triangulate someone they no longer contact to dominate others they do contact.


Triangulation occurs when a narcissist pulls in a third person to maintain control. It takes many shapes, but they always aim to divide and conquer, or pit people against one another. The traditional golden child-scapegoat pattern is typical in dysfunctional families.